After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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