I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
