She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
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They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
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It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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