I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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