I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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