Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
