Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Randomize
