We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
