I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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