Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Why can't burritos get me drunk
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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