Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
