i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
