every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
