Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
