you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
