There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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