The maid of honor just puked.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
