He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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