yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Liz is crying about burritos again.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
