I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
