bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
