do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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