Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
