Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
