I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
