Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
