420 ftw
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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