Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
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I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
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What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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