but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
