pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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