I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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