i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
