My nipple is on Facebook.
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
