Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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