plz talk dirty to me
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
