She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
