I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
