Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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