you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
