Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
