i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
