i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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