Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
