i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
