she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
