Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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