my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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