The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
whose parrot is this?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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