Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Randomize
