"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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