Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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