i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Randomize
