She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
