If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Dick very happy bro
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
