I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I would fuck him just for his dog
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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