my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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