Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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