This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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